Screwed up!

Just felt like writing a small draft being consequentially inspired by myself. Because its said

when thoughts come to your mind, don’t let them go without a warm welcome in your blog”

…………

…………….

……………….

 

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Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā Ā This draft is not intended to make oneself feel threatened since the writing self is already doomed and that’s why she’s writing this. This draft does not encourage skepticism.

I know after reading this you want to show your professionalism but its not advised to try out anywhere or anytime!

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Promise yourself that you’ll be man of your word

Uninstall all social networking appsĀ 

Block those call spamming pests

Pray the almighty to showerĀ 

Strength and power

Feel like a hopeless archeologist

Dig out books that looks as new as your yoga mat

Heave a deep sigh

Breathe in

Breathe outĀ 

Repeat

Until it strikes why you are breathing in and outĀ 

In the middle of terrible night

Open the book with hope

Hum some random song

Shut up realisingĀ 

Its that stupid advertisement tune

Decide to feed yourself couple of morsel

End up emptying the entire bowl!

Practise eye exerciseĀ 

Slap yourself to focus

Clean dirt from your miniature nails

Blow out that strands of hair from your forehead

Bring it out down intentionallyĀ 

Blow it up again

Try to make hair curls with your pen

End up making messy knots

Suppress a developing yawn

Wipe your blurring tear filled pathetic eyes

Allow yourself to give a yawn onceĀ 

Twice

Only this tenth time…

Only this ‘N’th time

Droops

Drools

Falls

Sleep well on hefty well bounded nightmares!

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The END of MY story begins…

To be continued

Meet you in hell

Sorry!

EXAM HALL

Stay tuned…

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Until good morning… Bubye

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Stranger things

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Funny strange things I am doing since I watched stranger things for strangely three times in a day. But this sudden surge of strangeness I never knew would be strangely comforting! Strange right?!

But the strangest thing I did today would break my “strange deeds” records. And it totally helped to calm my strangeophobia!

I figured, trying to write your own OBITUARY is the coolest thing that makes you interestingly strange!

 

Thoughts and ideas can catch you anywhere, while you are stealing milkmaid or trying to open the chocolate without making that alarming wrapper noise that draws undesirable attention or when you feel worthless when your younger brother opens that syrup bottle for you. Just anywhere!

This strange idea of mine occurred when a twig fell over my head which I didn’t notice and came all the way home with people staring at me. I dismissed since its common thing to stare at a pretty girl ( okay! Calm down! I can see your raised eyebrows and twitch of your lips) but later realised that twig struck on my oil-parched hair when my mother dismissively picked it and threw away as if she has been doing that job for ages!

 

After moments of stares and idiotic sheep smile,it just occurred to me what would have happened if one big bark fell over instead of a twig?!!

And consecutively “why-such-imaginations-never-occur-to-you-in-exams” echoed at the back of my mind! Sulking, I pushed it aside.

Sarcastic Me replied “this world would have got a chance to get rid of one useless being for goodness sake” and Stranger Me asked gingerly “after that, what?” And out of blue, miss.SarcasticĀ  put it simply – “people would tell tales of how carelessly you wasted your life living as a parasite” and went to sleep.

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Stranger Me made me to mull over the idea and now I am writing this!

 

 

Hey marvelous people! I am privileged to give this speech but just adjust the inconvenience of hearing it in the choking voice of some moron who’s damn close to me.

As you all know this is Keerthana, happily departed few hours ago and watching you hearing this if all the afterlife tales are true. (God! Its creepy isn’t it!) Born to unmatchable wonderful parents I am named as you all officially call but the nick names you had for me is the true identity of me and whom I have been all this life!

Just like any other girl child I started stuttering from very young age and unfortunately you all fated to listen to it till my last exhale.

My mom used to flaunt in my absence that she had no trouble bringing me up since I’m naturally calm and gullible just to shut the callous mouth of some vile people who complained about my childish prattle though she knew the actual truth!

To all my acquaintances and to those with whom I meticulously maintained my distance, I was what my ma described. But for all those people who are smiling and crying at the same time now knew me well that I was far more than that!

Growing up, through all the hindrance the best thing I discovered was the extent of impactĀ Ā food had on me and my response to problems.

Note to theĀ  idiot one who’s reading this aloud, don’t dare to laugh thinking that incident!

This might sound crazy but whenever I had mood swings and get undescribable stressful feelings I just ateĀ . I always had candies in my bag just in case if that turned to be not my day.

These may be very petty things to hear in an obituary of a significant personality (wink-wink)but you have no idea that those little things you ignored have actually made a huge transformation in your life! Trust me I know.

Like many I loved books and longed to write one too. I started scribbling things which I prided as poems and stories. I even wrote stupid pick up lines! Those days are the best part of my life. Started a blog, interrupted my friends, spoiled their moods, wasted their time, pestered to read fully and comment on it. Just like that unlike my engineering skills the passion grew.

And the rest is history…

I made all the stupid things that any teenager have ever done. I took all those senseless decisions like choosing the one who is reading this as my best buddy.

I have been cruel, foolish, ignorant, unsteady and dumb! But all these huge successes in my life would have been impossible if I neverĀ  made those mistakes and you busy people would never had any obligation to attend this grand funeral. Its all part of the plan!

I always dreamt of becoming an influential person and the one who would be remembered for her works and unique mindedness and most of all , for her WORDS even after her demise.

I’m happy and contented of achieving my dream though some small things slipped from my life profile haplessly.

I am one lucky dead being known that I’ll never be forgotten in the sands of time. I’m fulfilled having known that I lived an inspiring life and made positive impact on innumerable hearts . My gratitude cannot be condensed in “THANK YOU”.

I’ll love you always like that savage part of me who loved food and books like anything!

I hear you say ” she’s indeed amazing”. But hey you said she is! Can’t say that anymore! (When it hits your mind where I looted this famous dialogue! ROFL!!!) Bye for now!

 

To my best daunting friend : saying thank you would be an insult to our relationship. Don’t get disappointed, sad face didn’t suit you! you will accompany me soon and just like we planned, we will haunt those filthy people. Take care of your dentures. šŸ˜‰Ā 

 

So this is what I felt deep from my heart. I am stunned how simple words can make wonders like recreating your own uncertain future.

Finished writing this I had unflinchingĀ  hope. Courage. Ambition. Conviction. I learnt what I wanted to be from my subconscious.

Now I strongly believe since I know who I want to be now, the universe will conspire to make it happen!

BELIEVE!

I never expected this strangest feel after writing this would give this much comfort. I encourage everyone to try out this! Limitless Universe will go to any limits to make your desire come true…

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I made my prophecy. Its time to make yours.

 

 

 

Until another rant, bubye…

 

 

 

What PAIN means to me…

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There’s this common tie that connects the world: the experience ofĀ PAIN. It is a universal sensation and at times a shared experience. While individual’s physical pain is isolated to one’s body, empathy on the other hand for the physical pain of others and the resulting emotion could be shared and sometimes by doing so can be healed.

So am trying to heal my pain sharing with you which haunts me whenever I think of my career. Many imaginations would run in your crazy mind now for all of us have been haunted in one way or other while “dreaming” about her future. But before you jump into conclusions, let me put a disclaimer that this would be something many of us never thought or even cared. So there’s a chance you might feel bored after reading this or wait the worse could happen where my fear might start to crawl in your spine too!!!

Buckle up! Here we go…

 

 

I never thought I would miss you this worse!

After all,am living my dream

Of being away from your mundaneness

But where I actually landed is a pure mess!

My mouth and stomach 24/7 filled with fume.

My every night cloud passes with self blame.

I don’t deserve any mercy for disrespecting you.

This feel can be understood only by very few.

Ignoring your virtues was my biggest fault.

How I feel now is like delicacies without salt!

All my fantasies blurred your greatness.

Fearing their judging eyes,I cry in darkness.

When I have tossed you away then

Mom chided me I’ll be sorry for this doing soon.

These things I can afford now is all fake.

I am rushing home now only for your sake!

I swear I learnt my lesson!

My period of penance is over!

Am coming there just to devour!

I am coming!

With all the hunger

Of a devastated prisoner!

I am coming!

with all the thirst

Of a desert’s long lost guest!

I am coming!

To touch you

To smell you

To feel you

To munch you

To slurp you.

I am coming !

To melt with you…

Stop fearing of getting wasted

Am on my way to fill you in me till I die gaging !

– a wanderer’s rant whose heartbreaking missing isĀ HoMeFoOd šŸ˜ž

We all at one point in life will miss our home terribly which we now complain, blame and grumble about. I just travelled forward in time and felt how devastating it would be away from home for I always aspired to be a globetrotter no matter what job I am destined to do to make my living!

So blabber how controlling and maddening your home to any extent but don’t keep it in heart as you know some things are irreversible and home is merely not an exception!

Thanks for bearing with my madness” is all you will mumble to your Ā “no-substitute” home in near future turning back. Memories are unmatchable treasure. So take care of that locker which holds your cherishable treasure with such warmth without wanting anything in return except love.

PS: I get shivers when I think of the fact you won’t get amazing food like in your home when you chose to become a nomad. Obviously its not one of the cool perks of being reckless rover! Trust me, I heard many heartbreaking stories!

We all think our home as a merciless deep ocean drowning our dreams, unless we sadly realise, being a mermaid we could neither drown in sea nor fly in the sky…

-ME šŸ˜‰

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Until next blabber, BUBYE…

 

Time to speak up!

On that afternoon when she went to bring her beloved horses back she never knew she gonna return home strangled slaughtered and DEAD! Not by the four legged animals but by those ruthless bastards whom she fondly called “Nana” and “uncle”!

Just imagine! Being a blooming eight year girl she must have dreamt of flying on her horses, chased the chickens,watched the sunsets with a beaming smile,helped her mumma make rotis smearing flour all overĀ  hands and giggling,listened to pigeons and sang with them…

Just imagine! How her parents who never thought of anything but her well being must have felt seeing their little angel soaked in dirt, bruised and bleeding tossed like a rugged doll?!! How meanly their little world turned upside down overnight? How that fragile body bore such excruciating pain? How mercy never kicked in those bastards’ hearts when she screamed out of intolerable agony? Isn’t inflicting such pain onto a child is a dreadful thing that a man can do ever?How well these monsters in every deed proved we humans are no higher being than beasts preying on helpless lambs!

Which gives courage to someone to commit such evil? Reports says a juvenile was also involved! Doesn’t it feel like someone punching right on our nose because we are knowingly or unknowingly teaching misleading things to our youths? We always make sure that we don’t fall as victims but what if we are already making our brothers an offender and our sisters a victim by not pointing out the rights and wrongs at right time?

Are we realising that we are plagued? An illness that we never cared about being treated? After every rightful revolt, every chaos and filthy political play, every consequential crime what we did and we mindlessly do after posting and uploading status against this?Ā  FORGET!

Is this rape and murder happening for the first time? Every girl has every right to live her life in a society which must promise safety, good health and knowledge! Women and girls are not toys. Ask any woman to look into your eyes and tell that she never been abused in anyway. You will find a painful answer. Abuse not just mean rape or mutilation! When she come across lewd comments, when they pry on her body like a vulture and all other disgusts in disguise included. This is not a preaching this is indeed a pleading. May be a warning! Your family member or your friend could be their next. Women and girls are not possessions that you can steal. She is not just a lump of flesh! Wisdom and power run through her veins while love and serenity is all that beasts see and take them for granted. We are not owned by men or at their disposal. We are not their toys to sedate,kidnap,rape continuously mercilessly to feed their ego! We are not made for you to prove your “manliness”. We don’t ask the society to falsely worship women and back stab later. Just let live … Some with pride proved that gender equality flourished this society but how mean that a foetus diagnosed with XX chromosomes is killed without a second thought on the other hand. Can’t blame illiterate people alone in this case! You describe women as lovely flowers, how cruel of you to splash acid when they don’t accept what you insist!

Dear child asifa, we know you have gone through hell and made it to heaven. We gonna decorate your grave with tiny flowers, colorful garlands, love. Along with it a PROMISE TO JUSTICE! This fight for justice is not about religion. There’s no religion that approves or condones rape! This fight should not be polluted by the egos of two communities.

Our nation which on one hand making tremendous progress in all aspects of modern life is still has deep seated serious social conflicts and taboos which must be uprooted as soon as possible. Asifa is not the only victim of brutal rape and murder but if we don’t act quick and wise she probably won’t be the last!

Punishments should be made hard and fearsome. We scream this for a long time but also learnt to live without what we scream for. What happened to her should be a stark reminder to all of us that we can’t sit back and tolerate this cruelty and bias. Not anymore!

All we hope and take action for is that justice is rightly served without any sentiments clouding our judgement at a right time because justice delayed is justice denied!

“Dead receive more flowers than living because guilt is stronger than gratitude” let’s start to take enough care of our society teaching appropriate and necessary things without any hesitationĀ  so that our generation will not be butchered by guilt and shame in future…

#justiceforasifa

 

 

Just a minute with myself…

Standing right under the blazing sun, I found strangely funny realizing the tranquil night is an overrated time to feel the overpowered killing feel ofĀ  worthlessness,with the scorching breeze slapping my damp cheeks. If I scream what I feel right now, they will probably pretend to worry and give me an intact package of advice which they anticipated would heal my virtual wounds.

But WORDS happened! Knights with smeared ink all over them. Rescuers in disguise. I wouldn’t be writing if it wasn’t for them but there are times there’s this torture inside haunting and ripping my armor bit by bit. Advertising my vulnerability. After passing through gates of back stab, betrayal,tears and silent screams,there’s this cold condensed corner celebrated as emptiness where my fears grope my neck,strangle it as i lose control until its only my body that’s breathing. Running around frantically all I can see is a red card, a black mark, a yellow signboard, a danger symbol and an unending abyss that blinded me from looking beyond. They promised “happiness” on the other side but i can’t feel it. May be its long gone or never existed even and I didn’t notice! On some days, its dry. On most days there’s this hollow mist. Like suffocation torments when there’s enough air to intake,my numbness didn’t dissolve when it rained . I feel like with every passing second,i’m becoming less of a person and at the end I turn into dust sleeping at window’s corners, floating across miles,dispersed like clouds,scattered all over the places yet feeling no difference. Somehow,still hoping to make some sense. Every person I believed i’m close too, now I can’t even seem to reach. I can feel the invisible wall I built without my knowledge. I search for a stick of faith to swim safe but the tissues of my body refuses to even flinch. It felt, had there been a god, this earth wouldn’t be on the brink of an end. Nor would I…

My tired eyes run dry, my visions has gone black like every other day and night on which I feel down. Taking deep breath. “Don’t keep holding on let it go”. But what if i’m on the verge, fingernails sliding off the last edge of rock,dangling off a cliff and feeling my last breath with a foot outside the ledge???

SIGH! It stroke, ” don’t hold back yourself if you feel it must break “, there’s nothing more pathetic and tragic than tying the pieces that don’t fit!

What defines me? What drives one to walk past all these complications? My eyes look out for home in an unknown place with known people. From thinking too much to bothering too less my head spins…

And yet, I say I’m fine and SMILE…

That’s how I can define me, hiding behind a certain of lies and excuses with a needle of hope to find my drifted pieces. Somewhere. May be into the eyes of a smiling stranger or in tears that socked my pillow or just within the unfinished sentences trapped between lines in my diary.

It just isn’t enough. This is neither right nor an end! Because if it isn’t feels right,it is not an obvious end. Like me may be destiny tried to pretend things and miserably failed!

A story can be a poetry if you love the character enough. It all takes a spark, a nudge to make an effort to forgive yourself. And love your broken self…

So I’m going to write again, replacing all deliberate full stops with promising commas, ready to write a new sequel. After all, Its not always too late.

The sunset smacked my head that seemed like reminding my abandoned strength asking me to listen to myĀ  battle song...

I blinked, wind smirked, I smiled lifting my hand and gently pressing it on my chest, silently listening my rebel roar… Feeling the strong beats of my long forgotten healing heart getting ready for another battle…

I write, you will read, words collide but thoughts part their ways. Beauty of words is emphasized when diverse things embrace it…

 

 

 

First blog post yayy…

ONCE UPON A err.. NOON!?!

“Okay! I dont feel like doing anything!” Finally both my heart and hands confessed. But something smirked sarcastically, “Dude! Give me a chance to prove my presence!” my mind mockingly moaned. “Ah!the stage is yours!” I grimaced.

Before regret flash its crooked smile,my brain raced to zillion things that i never expected to be alive still in the ever brightest graveyard which people celebrate as MEMORIES. If my mind was a personality, I swear it would be…oops she/he would be a great one challenging our beloved fiction FLASH!

While my mind kept me engaged in such lunatic thoughts, that light blinded my sight,then… Out of dawn you came like a beautiful fading moon…

The dark lashes that casts tangible spells, those dark brown eyeballs that possessed the sleeping stars! The voice that echoed adding melody to the silence I happily embraced… You came Ā fully functioning… Er… Sorry I meant ALIVE from my forlorn fantasy multiverse which they concluded impossible… So from now on with my heads held high,chest puffed up, beaming to Sky’s limit, with you by my side I would say, “here people I can also look happy and content…” Wind played with my tendrils and I tried to look into your eyes and that moment I realized-‘something is missing’

“hey charm how you do that curve at the corners of your mouth?” I asked you, bewildered. You remained quiet stretching your chiseled lips even more at both sides showing a slight view of straight teeth. Slowly you moved my chin up dried my wet cheek saying Ā “brave lady,those nightmares are over. Am with you. Now , SMILE… Smile for me… This is your new year present!”

Some magic touched my whole. Suddenly like a premonition I longed it to never end! I allowed myself to fall into infinity, allowed the miracle to happen, finally, I SMILE

“Perfect! Let’s take her to the rehabilitation centre” said that voice that quite resembled mine! With a jolt I popped my eyes open only to see my brother laughing and my mother glaring at me disapprovingly with transparent doubts that only she who owns a young lunatic daughter can have!

From that noon, I resolved to never fall asleep when I have a fraction second break from my chaotic life!Am really trying hard. But as you all know some inherited habits die hard! Blame my mother too then!!!

PS: better plaster your mouth so you won’t smile and showcase your secret romantic dreams and you can hide Ā your unmanageable habit of drooling… And dude pranayama improves your health and sleep lifešŸ˜‰