Some weeks before, when I was scrolling through the social media, I came across this post that had something along these lines – “What would you do if all men disappeared for 24 hours?”
Before scrolling further to see what others have answered, I just thought what I would do.
I imagined myself walking on the streets alone around the time when the poor sky is in its daily dilemma –
whether to stay in the velvet pitch black attire with the crescent child floating on its lap
or
shake up and get ready to adorn the dawn of colorful hues to welcome its Sun.
I chuckled to myself imagining the thrill of walking at that time
wearing a loose comfortable tee,
hands inside my sweat pants’ pocket,
doing a little tap dance now and then,
howling sometimes,
hugging the wind with my lungs breathing and loving the very air unconditionally – without needing to catch my breathe to listen unknown footsteps following me.
My heart, for its part, singing its happy LupTub, feeling light – without needing to thud furiously when the eyes glance at the approaching shadows in the distance.
While my dearest brain for once will be thankful – without the gut wrenching series of images that screams of every possible agony and trauma filling the nerves, making the adrenaline ooze out, drenching the body with sweat and shiver.
…..
Letting out a sad sigh, my body shook up from this sweet reverie with an ancient longing, bubbling up in my blood.
The longing for the privilege of
walking without the alarm constantly screaming DANGER inside my head,
walking without the glaring eyes piercing through my clothes, stripping away my dignity,
walking at whatever pace I feel like without the Sun being my clock and society being my lock,
walking past the shrill whistle of evening birds and not of the teasing, threatening shadows,
walking without carrying keys in between my fingers ‘like a weapon’,
walking without anyone’s assurance of safety, as in my gut I know I am safe already like I did yesterday and will do in all my tomorrows.
walking peacefully even on moonless nights, under starless skies!
…
…
…
That’s a total pipedream, eh?!
Without wanting to deal with my trauma-drama, my scant sanity pulled me to, “Well, let’s face the reality now, can we?” mode.
Summoning the slumbered curiosity, I scrolled down to read what other women felt for this hopeless hypothetical question.
I don’t know why I felt surprised realising that overwhelming majority of women said they SIMPLY would go for a walk at night.
Like me!
More than surprise, I felt devastated.
We women, irrespective of nationality, age, race, religion, creed or caste, have one wish,
one SIMPLE wish –
to walk alone,
to walk alone at nights,
to walk alone at nights without fear,
to walk alone at nights wearing whatever we want,
to walk alone at nights wearing whatever we want, without fear for our life,
to walk alone at night without fear for our chastity which we women were taught to hold higher than our life!
Why does this simple wish still remains a nightmare-cum-pipe dream for us?
Silence shrieks in the place where answers should have echoed.
The promising voices occasionally rose here and there only to get silenced by this collective silence.
This silence now survives in several places, safely hidden in plain sight.
It survives in my mother’s warnings,
in my father’s worry lines,
in my sister’s experience,
in my friend’s unease,
in some aunties advice,
in daily “breaking news”,
and in our thumping hearts.
But like they say, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that it didn’t exist,
the greatest irony is, this sinful silence survives happily in one place –
in the society’s denial!
The master stroke is, a woman has been made to become a woman’s worst enemy!
She is the one who lays these horrible “laws” and carries it from generation to generation. These laws, however, were not made by her but she has been taught to enforce them!
This way, Women, have been used as watchdogs of patriarchy for centuries!
…
….
…..
Quoting the lines from a series (with modifications) that shredded my heart to pieces only to give it a new shape and hope, let me finish this post.
“The society stuffed the essence of honor, pride and prestige in our bodies,
between our legs,
our breasts
in our dresses
faces
and words.
It is ours alone to bear.
We cannot unburden it till the end of our life.
OR
SO DO THEY SAY,
to abstain us from walking under the sprinkle of stars
for our sake of “safety”
hidden behind the cruel hypocrisy,
that celebrates the stale patriarchy.
But the time will come when you will be able to walk
then, Kannama,
you not only walk
but fly
taking these big words – honor, prestige and pride
with you
only to unburden it in the crevices of the moon
and set it ablaze with the fire of your freedom,
for your daughters to walk under stars
in the world where the sinful silence will get salvation,
by answering a different question:
Why shouldn’t she?“
The Inbetweener 